just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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