Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
