Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
one two three fourrrrnication!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
