By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
