Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Four minutes until I can fart!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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