Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
