Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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