I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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