You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize