your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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