Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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