Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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