totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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