You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
