guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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