Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
please come you make the beer taste better
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
