So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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