why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize