i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
