2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
