why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
