Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
