There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
