His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
