I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
