Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
