im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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