Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
