PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
