He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just want to make out with him forever
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
