addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
