honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
