Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
