I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
