I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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