the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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