toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Let's paint friendship bongs
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
