my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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