i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
false alarm, still single
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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