why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
