Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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