Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
