My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
