omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
