How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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