I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
