Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
