Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
