just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
