Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
