Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
