She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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