I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
