guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
did i walk over a car last night?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
