problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
