Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
