she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
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we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
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I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Couch. On fire.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize