found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
