What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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