Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
