you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
