The maid of honor just puked.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
