I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you win again, gameday.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
