I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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