Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
