We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
