Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
