it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this beer tastes like vomit already
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
