basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
