I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
