The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
