Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
