hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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