just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
