it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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