Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize