I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
