i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
