you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
